Effective Communication Gambits

You've probably heard of this term, don't you?



At first glance, it sounds like a term used in a chess, am I right? Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about playing chess. Anyone who is a chess officionado, the word Queen's Gambit is a very common term though. This has something to do with conversation.

This has a very strong effect in expressing ones' opinion. It helps us introduce our ideas in a conversation. It's a natural and a friendly way of communicating. The impressions we create are abrupt, direct and rude when gambits aren't used. At times, people will get a wrong picture of us. Using gambits in a conversation makes it more natural, more confident, more friendly and others may find you easier to talk to. This is the missing link in most conversations. If we start on the wrong foot, most likely we'll be misunderstood.

The only way we make our conversation sound so natural is through the use of gambits. It maybe a word or phrase which helps to express what we are trying to say. This is a very useful tool in introducing a topic. This doesn't express actually the opinion, it will only introduce the opinion itself. Many aren't aware of this . Now,if gambits are used, the flow of conversation is rather smooth and it comes so naturally.



In some instances, when we want to express a deeply held belief, others will understand us better if we start it with I personally believe.....

In an argument or counter argument, it is best to start it with That's probably true but... or maybe That would be great except ....

They are used when we want to emphasize some points, when we're in a discussion or any other situations. It varies depends on what kind of topic we're in to.

Gambits are maneuvers, or strategies applied to a particular endeavor. They could be used in psyche and physical wars too. It's really so easy to come up with a solution when conflicts arise if gambits are used in this scenario. It's somewhat associated with COOPERATIVE DEVELOPMENT - a non-judgmental talk.

People with good communication skills usually use gambits everyday.

The Stresses Of Modern Life

Life could be tough and life could be boring at some stage. Too many little things to do too little time. What if we don’t get it done, what if we don’t get it done before it's due, what if this, what if that. This is when we really go into stress mode!





Open-ended questions may be a contributory factor to our stress. We often come out with answers like with that would be awful, that would be terrible which compounds the stressful feelings even more.

Take note of one thing though, whenever we hear ourselves saying we need-to, we have-to, we got-to it's best to replace it with " we want-to or we would like to. Substitute needs with desires. That would really be useful.

This is simply to remind ourselves that awful things will not happen if our desires are not met. We may not like the results if things don’t go our way, but we can indeed stand the feelings. It may not be good if things don’t fall into place like we want, but the world will continue to spin and we will be able to handle it.

It takes time to get use to these and it takes practice as well. Don’t expect it to happen for you like magic. Pay attention to our self-talk, listen for the what-if statements, flag the must and need statements. We should know how to dispute them with wants and desires. Do it vigorously. With time it will become second nature, and you’ll notice the lack of stress in our lives.

A Warm Welcome To My Co - ICMC Kapamilya

Greetings to all you my dear Co - ICMC Kapamilya all over the Globe!!

The experience we've gained in that isolated place in the Bataan, Philippines gave a very strong impact into our lives. Our dedication to the Refugees remained in our hearts even after we've left the place for quite a while. As you can see some of the passages in this site are refugee related. That's how strong the impact is.

Thank you for visiting this site.

Angie - CO

Remember them? Our Big Bosses....

taken with Babes in January 2005


taken with Ramon Diokno in January 2005

Oh, What A Memory To Remember!!......ouchhh

Screaming loud in a hotel lobby "Give us back our travel documents, you can have all the money and cards, just give us our tickets and passports, that's all we want!!!!"......... Oh! what a MEMORY TO REMEMBER...geezz... I was hysterical that time.




A hotel manager in London calmed us down upon seeing how distressed we were those moments. Actually, I was on the verge of breaking down. Imagine all our travel documents including bankcards and mobile phones were taken away from us by bandits. The first reaction was to scream. All that was left in my pocket was four pounds, yes four pounds!! That amount brought us everywhere though via internet to send emails for emotional support. Four pounds was enough to reach the world.

An unforeseen circumstance happened a couple years ago on a journey. Our train to Scotland was postponed for the next day and we've decided to hang around for another night in London. That was when that incident happened. An experience we won't ever forget with my sweet girl.

As we entered at the doorsteps of the hotel, something strange we've noticed at the back of our coats. A shaving cream and gel was all over our coats - spreadout from top to bottom. We really couldn't figure out how it happened. Our first reaction was to take our jackets off and cleaned the mess in the hotel lobby. I laid my bag on the couch close to where I was standing. In just a spur of a moment, my bag was gone. Flick! All documents vanished in just a second. A slight memory of a man in a suit staring at us prior to the disappearance of my bag. That man had a connection to incident.

“Professional robbers got all the tricks and tactics, by all means.”

We wanted to ring the authority immediately but we're deprived to use the hotel phone. We dragged ourselves to the nearest train station close to Marble Arch and find someone in blue uniform. How awful that was really, much more when we were driven away from the Hotel where the incident occurred. The receptionist on duty didn't want to be involved in the incident.



Fortunately, strangers came to our rescue. Seeing how desperate we were, a next door hotel offered us accommodation and food for free when they've heard what happened. We felt we were refugees for a while. Oh my gosh!! Strangers came to assist us while investigation was going on. Our immediate needs were looked at by these strangers, they've rang the Embassy for us, they've rang Sydney for cancellations of my bank cards and they offered us food. AREN'T THEY GREAT STRANGERS? By the way they're originally from Pakistan.

Who Would Say - Don't Trust Strangers ?

Just what I've always thought, there are strangers with good hearts regardless of colour and race. Since then, my notion about - not trusting strangers disppeared completely. Strangers came to our rescue. Not only that, I've met a friend online who happened to be a local, he came to assist us the next day. He's a stranger to us as well, yet he was there.

To you Ading Gooner, thank you so much. There's no amount of words to express our gratitude to you and your family. We'll never forget what you have done to us.

To The Manager and his staff Fariz, Vicki and Arif who've helped us during those days, for nothing - not even a pence, you've shown really a great deed to us. We will be back sometime this year to pick up the pieces of that very unpleasant experience in your country, we’ll get an accommodation in your hotel once again.

To The Bureau of Tourism, your advice definitely worked. I really appreciate the big help. My greatest thanks also to the Australian Embassy, for the great support and of course The Paddington Police Station in UK.

To the local papers I’ve approached, your publication indeed was a very good medium. Kudos to your papers! The exposure you’ve done affected the business of that hotel who deprived us to use their landline in time of an emergency. Yeah, I was convinced that they're a part of a syndicate.

That incident didn’t stop us from travelling and never will. Now, that everything is over and we're completely out from the emotional stress, we are ready to pass London Bridge again. he he he.

This is just a brief passage from the whole incident, I hope that this may serve as a guideline to other travellers out there.

Let's Keep the Spirit of Harmony

"Happiness is a grateful spirit, an optimistic attitude, and a
heart full of love."

"Happy people roll with the punches. They know from experience that everything changes. Today's good fortune may vanish tomorrow,
today's crises may turn out to be tomorrow's good fortune."
.......anonymous




Some of us think that HARMONY is an expression of LOVE. Yes, for sure it is. We can't have HARMONY without LOVE. It's actually a mirror of seeing ourselves in other people, wishing others the best in life and uplifting ones' morale if there's a need to. Reaching out, extending our arms to others to make them feel they belong in a crowd.

Harmony promotes social, cultural and economic benefits in a multi- ethnic community. It enriches us about cultural background of others and linguistic diversity. It is somewhat a simple, but powerful way of expressing that there is no place for racial intolerance or disharmony.

In every community, everyone aims for a harmonious environment. I am sure you feel the same way. We want to demonstrate harmony on a daily basis. We want to have a healthy environment regardless of what cultural backgrounds we came from. No matter how different we are , we are all human beings who want a better future for ourselves and for our children. Lets enjoy the cultural diversity that we are in and strive for a better life.

At my workplace, it is full of people coming from virtually all continents and all religious, ethnic, linguistic and cultural backgrounds. They come from as far as Burundi, Yugoslavia, Middle East, Russia, Turkiztan, Afghanistan and South-East Asia such as
China, Vietnam, Philippines, Cambodia, Burma and Thailand. The diversity does not end here. There is also a huge diversity of interest, hobbies, motivation and plans. However, everyone works towards a common goal to build a better life.

This may seem very idealistic, but Let's Have A GO!!

LET'S KEEP THE SPIRIT OF HARMONY WITHIN OURSELVES AND WITHIN THE COMMUNITY WHERE ARE.

What's the Problem with Ethnocentrism?

Ethnic refers to cultural and centrism refers to the central point...so basically ethnocentrism refers to judging other groups from cultural point of view.

Ethnocentrism leads misunderstanding to others. We falsely distort what is meaningful and functional to other people through our own tinted glasses. People see ways in terms of life experience, not through their content. Some people don't understand that their ways have their own meanings and functions in life, just like our ways have meaning for us.

The bent of this is that "we don't understand that we do not understand". We aren't aware that we can develop more understanding about how others experience life.

At the best, people simply continue unawareness. Yet, this can have consequences within our own interpersonal relationship. This is an unintentionally offending others, generating ill-feelings and even set up situations that harm others. It is easy not to see the life concerns, particularly minorities and disadvantaged. Their inabilites to deal with life situations.

We may have positive intentions from our own point of view in helping other groups deal with situations, but how do they see the problem?

At any given behaviour, we need to keep in mind that there are meanings and they are often very deep in one's subconcious. Some of us aren't aware that we are being ethnocentric. There's one thing that we should keep in mind that there are many ways in which human beings can experience life. Perhaps no one can ever have a complete understanding of another people, without fully experiencing everything that others experience, However, it doesn't mean we don't fully develop understanding to interact successfully with others.

When we encounter people from other ethnic bakgrounds, we have an opportunity to learn "new ways" of seeing and experiencing life which never existed. Yes, they do exist. If only we can look at life in a complementary perspective instead of as an inherent conflict on the negative side, there are possibilities that we are lessening the problems of ethnocentrism. This is actually leading people to make false assumptions about others' ways based on limited experience. We are ethnocentric when we use our cultural norms to make generalizations about other culture and customs. Without concious awareness a generalization is made and culture is used as a universal yardstick. It influences communication between human beings.

"Ethnocentrism" is leading us to make pre-mature judgements. Others tend to evaluate immediately and assess based on an individual experience. Well, everyone is ethnocentric by nature, that can't be avoided nor it can be willed away by a well meaning
attitude. If you say you aren't, but rather you're open minded and tolerant that is misleading.

"EVERYONE IS ETHNOCENTRIC AND THERE'S NO WAY IT CAN BE AVOIDED, BUT IT CAN BE LESSENED"